Paperwork

What Happened

Situations come up that no one likes to talk about, even when talk is necessary. This discussion delves into one of those dilemmas and looks at decisions and consequences, family and rallying together. It also questions behaviours in later life. Enter Hank, exhibit A. He caused his family dozens of hours of work and years of unnecessary struggle and frustration simply by putting off a half hour of paperwork.

In search for a solution to a minor medical problem, Hank decided on an outpatient procedure. The whole thing took only a couple hours, so his son waited for him at the hospital. For no apparent reason, when he left the recovery room, Hank became agitated and aggressive, the opposite of his normal self. Hearing his father insulting the nurses, the son intervened, got Hank out of the hospital and back home.

This abnormal behavior persisted instead of going away, as everyone expected. Hank continued losing control, slowly, bit by bit, as his condition worsened. Skipping a long description of these difficult times, the long story short, over a period of several months he was admitted to hospital, later moved to a senior’s residence and after that taken to an assisted living facility. Continual testing and adjusting his medications did not stop his decline. Considered incapable of making wise decisions on his own, his life ended up in the hands of people he didn’t know. Fortunately for Hank, they were capable and caring people, who consulted with his children along the way.

A non-life-threatening procedure, to make his life better, ended life as he knew it. Could this have been avoided? Medically, it’s hard to know. Other distressing results had easy solutions that were ignored, delayed.

Consequences And Outcomes

As sad and frustrating as this sounds for Hank, the lack of proper pre-op handling of his affairs resulted in disrupting the lives of his children in ways none of them could have imagined. He made one decision that shouldn’t have had disastrous results. It just did.

Before the procedure, relatives suggested Hank fill out two documents to protect himself and the family in case this kind of problem happened. Confident about the outcome of the operation, Hank said he’d take care of it in a few days. That time, that opportunity, never came.

Why are these documents so important? In one, you select a person or persons to make decisions for you if you become unable to do that for yourself, a living will. The other, a financial power of attorney (POA), authorizes someone to handle your finances if you can no longer manage them on your own. Had Hank simply named his children in these forms, a natural choice, they could have moved smoothly into the new role of caring for the man who spent his life caring for them.

Without these forms the children had no legal power to act on Hank’s behalf. To be granted this power, they needed to apply to the government for these rights, which they did.

 After meetings with officials, the kids collected 105 documents out of the hodgepodge of papers at their dad’s house. Copies of these documents went to the government office beginning a long wait for a reply. Months passed as the family deposited money into Hank’s bank account to cover his mortgage and other payments, which for some reason did not continue on their own. Possibly money needed to be transferred from another account which was impossible without a financial power of attorney. Hank had the money and a pension. It just wasn’t accessible, not even by his children, even to pay Hank’s bills.

After some months the government office granted responsibility for medical decisions to the children. As of this writing, more than two years later, full financial control has not yet been transferred to them. Progress was made. Expenses soon came directly out of Hank’s bank account. However, even though he will never again return to his house or drive his car, these possessions cannot be sold until a full POA is authorized, at least not without additional expenses. So far, they’re still waiting.

Hank does have a will. He talked about a lawyer helping to complete it. But neither the lawyer or the will have been found, which may be another problem in time without all this being resolved.

The Solution

The POAs, Powers of Attorney, both financial and medical, simplify this difficult situation tremendously. Not completing them put the family through a difficult series of events including bureaucratic time consumption, paperwork, office meetings and costs.

So, what’s the problem with filling out these forms? Why did Hank hesitate? People dislike making decisions, especially important ones. Apart from that, there are two issues, and maybe more, but these stand out. No one wants to think about a car accident or illness leaving them incapacitated. Second is trusting someone so completely to give them control of your future, your money, where you will live and what medical procedures may be given. However, POAs only take effect if you have already lost this ability yourself and need assistance.

In the difficult situation where there is no one you trust with all that responsibility, other legal options are available that are outlined in the description of the POA documents. This doesn’t eliminate all concerns, but it helps. Some uncertainty comes with every decision. But uncertainty, a bit of worry, is better than assured calamity.

To relieve some concern when filling out a POA, the decisions, while legally binding, are not etched in stone. They can be changed by you, and only you, at any time, for instance if you remarry and want to name your new spouse to these roles. Changes can be made as long as you are still thought capable of making your own decisions.

These uncomplicated forms, which take about a half hour to fill out once the decisions are made, avoid unnecessary aggravation and puts people you choose in charge of your future. Otherwise, the government takes on this responsibility. Of course, the government will try to do what is best, but their choices may not be how you would want things handled, such as which senior’s residence you will live in.

A simple outpatient visit to the hospital changed the lives of Hank and his children causing years of uncertainty, frustration and expense. Much, and possibly all of this could have been avoided.

How Did All This Happen?

Before the procedure Hank lived alone in his own house, drove his car and handled his affairs. He was, however, showing early signs of dementia, some memory loss and periodic difficulty remembering names.

After the procedure, Hank experienced what doctors called rapid onset dementia, causing his sudden change in personality, followed by symptoms worsening faster than usual. Dementia left him more vulnerable than anyone knew. All efforts to slow or correct this were unsuccessful, except, he did revert back to his natural pleasant self without being corrosive and aggressive.

Hank’s independence and ability to manage life on his own disappeared in two hours. While everyone likes to think this only happens to other people, for this family it became personal. Since the government set up such difficult rules and procedures to obtain POAs, shows how common the problem has become, and indicates how often inappropriate people have tried to obtain this control. Again, this emphasizes the need for protecting yourself before problems start. If you have concerns, please discuss them with your family, doctor and legal advisors.

What Is The Takeaway?

Yes, there are lots of unanswered questions here. Explaining all of Hank’s personal and medical details is not the purpose. Neither is supercharging a group of armchair lawyers and doctors. Sorry to disappoint. Emphasizing the need for the legal protection of POAs is the purpose. Hank, as it turns out, was not as invincible as he thought. Also, his case is not unique. He, like others, needed this protection. And since life doesn’t usually give a two-minute warning when the game’s about to change, a little time in preparation can make a world of difference. The children came to his aid as much as was legally possible and he needed them to help manage his life.

To reinforce the problem, recently another family talked about a relative who suffered a brain trauma. Also, without a will or POAs, her family suffered through similar difficult legal processes.

Progress And Current Status

And how is Hank now? After his condition was diagnosed, Hank received good care all along the way, from his kids and the medical teams who looked after him. Currently he lives in a 24 hour care facility with a staff described as thoughtful, professional and attentive. They keep him safe and provide as much quality of life as he is capable of enjoying.

It is requested that the privacy of this family be respected. They have been through a lot and the situation is ongoing. Thank you for being kind and thoughtful.

Did We Learn Anything?

So far, results of sharing this story are mixed. Some said they have or plan to complete the POAs. Others thought their spouse takes on these responsibilities automatically, so they didn’t need to. Apparently, not a good choice. Most, it appears, did nothing. Typically, people put off difficult decisions as long as possible. To protect yourself and your loved ones, it is in your best interest to look into this if you haven’t. This may sound like giving up control of your life. It doesn’t. On the contrary, POAs ensure your wishes are followed, so you maintain as much control as is possible under changed circumstances should catastrophe hit.

Disclaimer: this is not meant to be legal or medical advice, just information about potential problems and possible ways to deal with them. Also, laws in your area may be slightly or very different.

To help with these decisions, the POA forms can be downloaded for free from a government website, along with a clear explanation of definitions and options. Your tax dollars at work. For anyone unfamiliar with POAs, the whole process can take a couple hours, not a law degree, although that would help. In this situation, without the POAs, the family did consult with a law office to help with their decisions.

Doing everything possible to plan and prepare for this eventuality relieves a great deal of stress and uncertainty on everyone during this difficult time.

For what it’s worth, an old wisdom says: more is lost from indecision than wrong decision.

© Tom Schmor 2023